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Home > A difficult situation - would you cash the check?

A difficult situation - would you cash the check?

June 13th, 2012 at 12:03 am

I am feeling guilty. I have a very good friend who is always dropping by and helping themselves to my food and drink. This happens at least once a week, often two or three times a week. I am happy to have this person visit but they never call and ask if it's a good time. When I visit them they always ask me to bring food and wine. So it has always been unbalanced. This person owns a home worth more than $700,000 with no mortgage and has the cash flow to do big renos like windows and new air conditioner and furnace. I don't have that cash flow. So it's not like this person is cash poor or broke. Or hungry!

A year ago when I realized how much this is costing me I requested that this person start a BYOB effort. Food I can handle but the drinks really add up. For a while the BYOB thing worked by now it's just getting out of hand, costing me time (making sure I have everything stocked for drop in guests), and money. Plus I feel like I have no control about my plans as this person may stop by any time. When I mentioned the BYOB this person became angry and told me I was cheap. So far this year I know it's been in excess of $1,000 so I reminded this person about contributing. Now they are mad at me, and dropped off a check for $200. This has really damaged our relationship which I really honour.

Am I being cheap? Please give me your honest input. And would you cash the check?

11 Responses to “A difficult situation - would you cash the check?”

  1. ThriftoRama Says:
    1339547268

    I wouldn't cash the check.

    BUT...It seems like they lack manners. Even giving you a check is just a rude gesture.

    They ask you to bring things when you visit, why wouldn't they do the same? It's common courtesy. I don't expect my friends to provide for me all the time. And, I don't expect them to be at my beck and call. If they come over and you're not home, too bad. They should have asked if you were free.

  2. NJDebbie Says:
    1339547473

    You did the right thing by speaking out. It seems as if your friend does not value your friendship or your personal space as much you do. I would not cash the check just to make a statement. I think your friend showed you his/her true colors and better that it happened sooner than later. My two cents.

  3. My English Castle Says:
    1339548478

    This sounds like a very irritating person. I wouldn't cash the check, but I'd be tempted to not answer the door next time they came over.

  4. baselle Says:
    1339556886

    Your friend was rude. They know d*mn well what food and booze costs and they decided to unleash the "c" word on you to shame you somehow. I would make sure that I ran low on booze, especially the type the moocher likes. (You like it, you bring it).

    I'm not sure what I would do. It depends on your ultimate goal - do you want to remain friends, or alter behavior? I'm assuming that the check is a bluff, and if you cashed it it would bounce. The devil in me would escalate by cashing the check and writing a thank you note, but would it be escalation?

  5. Swimgirl Says:
    1339560308

    LOL Baselle! Run low on booze!!

  6. Looking Forward Says:
    1339560892

    I think you did the right thing by saying something.

    Being "cheap" isn't a bad thing! Don't let your so-called-'friend' make it seem like an insult! I'd be like, "Yeah! I'm CHEAP!" Big Grin
    I would cash the check and send a thank you note if I didn't want this person around anymore. I would laugh all the way to the bank in fact.
    But, IF I did want to try to mend the relationship I would call the 'friend' and discuss this further. Maybe set some boundries like please call before stopping by. And when you do come by it'll be for tea or coffee or maybe nothing because I wouldn't stock up on stuff just for her visits.

  7. Jenn Says:
    1339591312

    I would trash the check and the 'friendship'.

  8. Miz Pat Says:
    1339599186

    Why is this person important to you? She is taking advantage of you.

    How has she been a good friend to you?

  9. Analise Says:
    1339607760

    Tapping into what Miz Pat says... why do you value the friendship of someone who uses you this way? How does your "friend" reciprocate? Friendship is a two-way street and you're on a one-way road here.

    I don't think you're being cheap by expecting the friend(s) to contribute but the check makes the situation awkward. I would not cash it but then I would not have let it go this far. You said they ask you to bring food and drinks when you visit, yet they are not willing do the same. Why can't they bring drinks/food? I'd look for friends who treat you as they wish to be treated.

  10. Jerry Says:
    1339968153

    That sounds like a pretty rude and horrible "friend." This would probably lead me to send back the check with a NAB ("Nice, but All Business") note expressing your disappointment at their reaction, and wishing them well. You need some insurance of friends who offer you mutual respect, not moochers. (The fact that someone with a paid-off 700k house would mooch off of someone else to begin with is just pathetic and laughable.)
    Jerry

  11. DayByDay Says:
    1349064778

    I don't think you're being cheap at all. That person sure does not sound like much of a friend. I'm not sure if I would cash the check or not. Wondering what you decided to do. Hope everything worked out okay.

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