I am feeling guilty. I have a very good friend who is always dropping by and helping themselves to my food and drink. This happens at least once a week, often two or three times a week. I am happy to have this person visit but they never call and ask if it's a good time. When I visit them they always ask me to bring food and wine. So it has always been unbalanced. This person owns a home worth more than $700,000 with no mortgage and has the cash flow to do big renos like windows and new air conditioner and furnace. I don't have that cash flow. So it's not like this person is cash poor or broke. Or hungry!
A year ago when I realized how much this is costing me I requested that this person start a BYOB effort. Food I can handle but the drinks really add up. For a while the BYOB thing worked by now it's just getting out of hand, costing me time (making sure I have everything stocked for drop in guests), and money. Plus I feel like I have no control about my plans as this person may stop by any time. When I mentioned the BYOB this person became angry and told me I was cheap. So far this year I know it's been in excess of $1,000 so I reminded this person about contributing. Now they are mad at me, and dropped off a check for $200. This has really damaged our relationship which I really honour.
Am I being cheap? Please give me your honest input. And would you cash the check?
A difficult situation - would you cash the check?
June 13th, 2012 at 12:03 am
June 13th, 2012 at 01:27 am 1339547268
BUT...It seems like they lack manners. Even giving you a check is just a rude gesture.
They ask you to bring things when you visit, why wouldn't they do the same? It's common courtesy. I don't expect my friends to provide for me all the time. And, I don't expect them to be at my beck and call. If they come over and you're not home, too bad. They should have asked if you were free.
June 13th, 2012 at 01:31 am 1339547473
June 13th, 2012 at 01:47 am 1339548478
June 13th, 2012 at 04:08 am 1339556886
I'm not sure what I would do. It depends on your ultimate goal - do you want to remain friends, or alter behavior? I'm assuming that the check is a bluff, and if you cashed it it would bounce. The devil in me would escalate by cashing the check and writing a thank you note, but would it be escalation?
June 13th, 2012 at 05:05 am 1339560308
June 13th, 2012 at 05:14 am 1339560892
Being "cheap" isn't a bad thing! Don't let your so-called-'friend' make it seem like an insult! I'd be like, "Yeah! I'm CHEAP!"
I would cash the check and send a thank you note if I didn't want this person around anymore. I would laugh all the way to the bank in fact.
But, IF I did want to try to mend the relationship I would call the 'friend' and discuss this further. Maybe set some boundries like please call before stopping by. And when you do come by it'll be for tea or coffee or maybe nothing because I wouldn't stock up on stuff just for her visits.
June 13th, 2012 at 01:41 pm 1339591312
June 13th, 2012 at 03:53 pm 1339599186
How has she been a good friend to you?
June 13th, 2012 at 06:16 pm 1339607760
I don't think you're being cheap by expecting the friend(s) to contribute but the check makes the situation awkward. I would not cash it but then I would not have let it go this far. You said they ask you to bring food and drinks when you visit, yet they are not willing do the same. Why can't they bring drinks/food? I'd look for friends who treat you as they wish to be treated.
June 17th, 2012 at 10:22 pm 1339968153
Jerry
October 1st, 2012 at 05:12 am 1349064778